Hi! I’m Ashton. I am a person who considers sex a means of expression: an ART such as music and sculpture. I don’t believe nudity should ever be subject to censorship. Human shape is beautiful. I’m very adventurous and open to experimenting new things. I find male and female bodies truly fascinating and exciting.
Click HERE to learn more about my new project: I am writing a novel. I am making a contribution to the world: a novel about the matters that I am so passionate about. I’m reviving the XV century with a fictional character that will lead us through a realistic true: the male prostitution during medieval times.
Click HERE to read Part I for free (pdf)- First 116 pages. Parts II, III, are finished but not yet formatted. Part IV and V (the final part) are still being developed and will hopefully be done by the end of 2022.
Click HERE to learn more about my newest project: a fictional character which helps me to share my life experiences with the world. Stay tuned to learn more about updates, its release and more.
I am a man. I was born a man and I have always identified myself as such. That doesn’t mean, however, that I would never experience harassment in my life. Mexico. The capital of the sun, the taco, endless summer, and beach parties. But there’s more than that if you look closer. And just as much of the violence in this world comes from someone close to you, my harasser was actually “a friend of mine”. Or so I thought before I broke free. The story goes like this…
I was younger back then. If I only knew then what I know now. But I didn’t. I’ll call him “Josue” to keep his real name a secret. He was very good with words. His social intelligence was remarkable, and that’s why he had friends of all ages and all places. He had a good heart. Please bear with me; having good intentions is not all there is to say to judge wether or not someone can make another one’s life miserable. You may have seen how fanatics destroy other people’s lives when they don’t think the same way they do. Well, I didn’t think the same way he did. I believe that freedom is a human right; he believed that those who thought that way needed to be fixed and put back into the right track.
He had a good heart. But having good intentions is not all there is to say to judge wether or not someone can make another one’s life miserable.
He was always eager to help others. In his will to help me, and his will to treat himself with an intelligent young guy, he got me a job. He knew I wouldn’t agree to being his secretary, not after having finished an engineering career and having “a promising future” in that field. Through statements that I would later discover were lies, he trapped me into being his personal secretary. I was not completely against it. I thought of it as “a step” in my life while I figured out where to go next. I was told I would be the secretary of someone whose business was Public Relations. Later on, things became shady. Due to confidenciality issues, I won’t give away the details of what his business really was, plus that will only fuel the stereotype of Mexican culture. Enough is to say that Josue’s business wasn’t the one that he used to claim it was. Once I discovered that, I knew I needed out right away.
Fool me: I wasn’t fast enough. While I was designing my plan to get away, I kept on learning too much information of what he was being paid for. I read real-life stories of how people who work for the CIA as undercovered agents target “bad guys” and make a positive impact in the world. But that is pure fantasy for the average person who knows too much information. Things aren’t nearly as romantic as they show in the movies or in the internet, for that matter. I was alone with no one to share what I knew and what I was going through.
I read real-life stories of how people who work for the CIA as undercovered agents target “bad guys” and make a positive impact in the world. But things aren’t nearly as romantic as they show in the movies.
Let’s not go too deep into details. Let’s skip the part where brand-new vehicles with no license plates on are involved with rush tasks. Let’s also skip the part in which real guns appear in the story. Also, the murders of two men, years apart, but under the very same circumstances. And the not-very-mysterious disappearance of cash and cell phones. No to all that. It may have not happened at all and maybe I am making it up… But it frightens me to think that I’m not. All I can give is “the benefit of the doubt”.
One day I discovered old letters from Josue’s family. I was not being nosy. I was a personal secretary, remember? That’s how I learnt that Josue had put his mother into a mental institution to get rid of her. His relatives did obviously not appreciate that at all. In the correspondence, I learnt what his family thought of him. In their own words they told him, “all you care about is your money and your power”. Josue used to say those words often along with saying that he had no family because they didn’t appreciate his efforts to help others. He despised Christmas and he even called himself “Grinch”. Needless is to say that his version of the story always differed from the one his family said.
I never challenged him about anything, even after I had learnt so much about him, his past experience with his family, and his business. Yet, he didn’t want to let me go. I tried to get away “in good terms”, so to say. But I noticed he wouldn’t just let me. There are no words to describe the angst that someone can feel under those circumstances. I didn’t know what he was capable of. Well, I actually did know, and that’s why I feared for my own life and my beloved ones’. It didn’t really help that a common friend of Josue’s and mine, Axel, was always telling me that “I got into all that shit myself”. How in the world can an innocent recent graduate craving for a job be wrong for having been dragged with lies into a world that he never wanted to be a part of! People like Axel are the ones who think that girls who get raped are in fault for dressing provocatively. It is outrageous and whatever word is bigger in meaning than that.
How in the world can an innocent recent graduate craving for a job be wrong for having been dragged with lies into a world that he never wanted to be a part of!
The harassment that I went through started in the Spring of 2017. I felt so bad that I thought of killing myself. And I was serious about doing it. I fell ill for more than one full month. I could barely get out of bed. Every time I’d hear my phone ring, my legs became weak and I felt cold. I always thought it was him. And most of the time it was him. I even got PTSD from that that lasted several years. He always got new cell phone numbers after I kept on blocking the previous ones he had. I became his obsession. All he wanted was to have me around. He was a lonely man who lived alone and had no one in his life. I was simply too caring, too smart and fun for him to let go of me. He invented all sorts of lies that are simply too long and even pathetic to write. He threatened me with what I cared about the most back then. In my will to keep my life the same, I kept on agreeing to his terms. But I did so only while I designed a plan to go away. Weeks and months of suffering went by.
He threatened me with what I cared about the most back then. In my will to keep my life the same, I kept on agreeing to his terms.
In my desperation I called Pablo, a guy about my age who had worked for him too. We weren’t friends but I had his phone number from Josue’s contact list. All I knew is that Pablo hadn’t finished in the best terms when he had stopped working for Josue. In that phone call, everything changed. He helped me to save my life and he probably won’t ever know it. He’s the one who told me that Josue was a mythomaniac. Everything finally made sense. There is one saying that goes “there is no madman that eats fire”. Yes, Josue was a liar but he knew how and when to lie. He only did so when it was in his favour.
Knowing that he was a compulsive liar, and having found sense in how everything around him happened the way it did, I discovered that there was only one way to break free from him: to tell him that he was free to do whatever he wanted to do but to stop threatening me. As they say, “a dog that barks, doesn’t bite”. And it was true. He never did “bite”. Once I gave him the freedom to do as he pleased, he never did anything against me or against the people I loved and still do. Not even today do I know if he never did so because he didn’t feel like it, because he felt defeated, because all he wanted was to have me around but not to hurt me, or because he knew I was simply too smart to fool with something happening “under suspicious circumstances” while he was around. He may have also known that I was too passionate to let him get away with anything if he did. And my knowing too much about him didn’t play in his favour either.
Knowing that he was a compulsive liar, I discovered that there was only one way to break free from him: to tell him that he was free to do whatever he wanted to do but to stop threatening me.
But it’s all in the past now. Josue’s mother has died. I don’t know what happened of him, since he doesn’t doesn’t speak publicly anymore as he used to. He eventually stopped calling when he realised it was too much energy to get a new phone number everytime he wanted to talk to me. I stopped reading his emails and he stopped emailing me. I believe I became “someone that he used to know”. But to me, he will never be so. He’ll ever be what he truly was: a manipulator who liked things done his way without thinking of how that affected others; a person whose will was above everyhting, even above what we value the most: human life.
I believe that everyone has a story to tell. As little as it may seem, there’s always something to share with others. I have ever felt that way. The way I’ve conducted my life has taken me to unusual paths and made me live interesting experiences that are completely out of what’s considered “normal”. Yes: I have a lot to say. But the thought of opening myself to others, let alone to an unknown audience (as is the case of writing publicly on the internet), frightened me. I simply don’t feel safe, confident, or comfortable enough to let others know what I’ve lived. There are many reasons to feel that way. So many, that it could easily be a posting on its own. But let’s leave that aside. Today I’m going to share with you what I consider to be the ultimate solution to share your life experiences with others without any of the negative effects of doing so: writing fiction.
Fiction is, as defined by the Oxford Dictionary, “a type of literature that describes imaginary people and events, not real ones”. Literature, together with sculpture, is one of the most neglected fine arts. But that doesn’t make it any less valuable than it is. Fiction is simply one of the ways in which literature can be expressed. And just like music or theatre, it allows the artist to share their feelings, to open up and tell their story. How can you ever tell something without making yourself responsible for what is told? By using fiction. We all have positive and negative attributes in ourselves. We all have evil and goodness inside us. How can we convey our deepest sorrow without letting our happiness interfere with it? And how can we tell the happiest occurrence leaving all our sadness aside? By making use of fiction. By letting the magic of the creation of fictional characters take over and by letting them live their own lives.
By taking real-life persons and turning them into fictional characters, not only do we get to share a story. We also get to know those persons better (both in real-life and the fictional one). By writing everyday, we let them be and develop their own life. It is truly magic how a character can convey a real-life story extrapolated into the fictional terrain. The essence of the real occurrence is kept. All feelings exist and they revive the deepest emotions when the story is read. It is simply the characters which are fictional rather than real. Hence, the writer is not held “responsible” for whatever happens in the story.
There’s always a painting workshop, a music class, or a theatre play in summer-school. But not often do we see literature along with them. Fiction, as a part of literature, is a hidden gem when it comes to sharing wonderful stories with others. It allows us to revive a life experience and to make others around us see it from outside as well. If you were waiting for a signal to start writing fiction, this is it: give it a try and discover the magic in inventing fictional characters to tell your story.
A creative response to Kevin Berger’s post “I Am Not a Machine. Yes You Are – Debating the Impact of machine-created art,” Nautilus Science Magazine, December 4th, 2019. https://nautil.us/picassos-got-nothing-on-ai-artists-8642/
The following eight museums are host to most of the most acclaimed art pieces ever created in the world: The Hermitage, The Armoury Chamber, and The Tretyakov Gallery in Russia; The Louvre in France, The Sistine Chapel, The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City in the USA, The British Museum in the UK, and The Palace of Fine Arts in Mexico. Computers can create wonderful and certainly very appealing things. But by saying that they can create art, their definition or art and that of the Oxford Dictionary are completely different. Art is the use of imagination to express ideas or feelings.
Beethoven, Chopin, and Rachmaninoff are not simply the names behind some of the most beautiful musical pieces ever written. They are persons who lived a life. Each one of them did. Behind each composition, and through them especially, they tell a bit of their lives in Germany, Poland, and Russia, which were the Holy Roman Empire, the Duchy of Warsaw, and the Russian Empire back then. Listening to them is like getting into a time machine and seeing a little bit of that world of theirs. A computer can create beautiful compositions, indeed. By learning the style, machines could easily fool us into thinking that their creation is something from the twentieth century when it is just something of their own, done in 2022. Does that make it art? No. Art is history. Art is emotion. Art is expression. It is not only the final product but the path to get there.
In today’s economy, it is easy to fall into the trap of defining art’s value by its selling price. Adolf Hitler’s paintings are not any better than anyone else’s were at that same level. However, several pieces of his collection sold for $500,000 at an auction in Bavaria in recent years. There is way more to art than just the print itself. There is a story behind an artist; art can be imitated but someone’s life cannot be. Now what’s a banana taped to the wall and sold for $120,000 in December 2019? Pure absurdity from Maurizio Cattelan’s to convey a satirical message. But that isn’t art. Art is creation; art is organising the natural chaos; art is getting the best of us to build something. What about Thailand’s paintings made by elephants and sold for $40,000 a piece? Well that is art. Because it involves the creation of something from the chaos of nature. Money doesn’t define the real value of a piece of art. And we can’t judge the value of it without knowing the story behind it. Just in the same way that clothing brands are more than just the name, art is more than just what we see. It is the whole history behind it what gives it value.
Now, we don’t have to disagree on whether or not machines can create art. Yes, they can, but not quite yet. Probably not in our lifetimes. To create art, Artificial Intelligence has to learn emotions and has to be able to build their own ideas. They have to live and create their own history, as it is that precise feature that defines feelings and hence good art, art worthy of admiration in the same way we admire our human art today. One day AI will live through emotions and create history; only then will they be able to create art.
As of lately, being early 2022 when I’m writing this post, I’ve noticed something that I’ve found very interesting: By looking closely, it can be seen how straight guys who only post straight content on their social media stream, actually like and follow pages, posts and/or people with gay content only.
I am, indeed, not surprised by it. If anything, I’m very happy that more men are finally daring to explore their sexuality, our sexuality, and live it as fluidly as it can be. There is no bigger joy in terms of a happy sexual life than experimenting and being open minded to trying new things.
I sometimes see straight fellows like my videos. When that happens, I get very excited recalling all those occasions in which my straight bros at school made a gay joke, comment, or even action. Always playfully, of course. Yet, no joke is ever just a joke, but rather the release of hidden emotions or thoughts that have passed through our minds. Here I stand, welcoming and encouraging all and any of those men who are willing to live an experience with another man, to go ahead and do it.
Bisexuality cannot be written as the percentage that someone is into one gender and the other, being 100% in total. That’s because an experience with another male does not make a man less of a man. And the fact that a guy likes other guys, doesn’t automatically take away any of his attraction to women. As the Marquis de Sade once wrote: the sun doesn’t become less bright because of shining for others. There is enough sun for everyone to enjoy, just as we can feel enough attraction towards women and men alike.
We live in a society which mistakenly believes that closing our eyes makes bad things disappear. Let alone the fact that the definition of ‘bad things’ is very subjective and whatever people in the past dictated it to be, has been carried on to us and still lives with us today. There are some things that are inherently bad to society: theft and murder, for example, can hardly bring any benefit to it. But it is as outrageous as sad to see how neutral things are also censored and prohibited. Nudity is one of them.
It is hard to imagine and understand how this wicked perception even took place. Human body is part of nature and nature is a wonderful and perfect creation. Hence, we are perfectly made and there should be no shame in our bodies, regardless of how they are. We live in a culture that promotes and endorses ‘morbid’ feelings around things. It is through the censorship of nudity that we feel aroused by it. And it isn’t wrong to feel that way, but our bodies shouldn’t be seen as something to cover up. They are not dirty and they don’t bring harm to society. It is obviously convenient to use clothes for health reasons but other than their utility for that matter, there is no other reason to use them.
The fight against censorship on nudity starts today. A small contribution to the world is all it takes to change it. Society can’t progress and advance if the same set of values and culture is maintained as if it was frozen in time. Small changes can and do make the difference: going to a nude beach, wearing smaller clothes. Yes: most people don’t approve of it. But this world belongs to the youth. Their contact with the internet has unveiled the very-well-kept secret of how a human body looks like in full nudity. Hence, newer generations can acknowledge how natural it is to embrace our own bodies and to stop feeling shame from something that must have never made us feel that way.
Some people read history without much care about the details written on it. There are persons who can read pages of a history book without being touched. Those who do it that way, forget that the word “history” is not a void concept of “what happened n years ago”. It is a meaningful way to express what our relatives of the past lived. And what our offspring will know about us. It is a deep feeling that we carry on in our genetic material. A magic gift that we were given. Those who don’t feel it, live and die empty. Many try to find comfort in god or an entity they can’t see. Such entity is the contribution of all our ancestors together, to become alive through us once again.
We all have it in our blood but most of us don’t have time to meditate and bring that energy back to our bodies. Crystals, god, prayers, amulets… Nothing can ever bring the magic that acknowledging our true nature can. We are the living entity of something being carried on for so long. We weren’t born 20, 30, or 80 years ago but million of years ago when our first gene chains began to exist.
One day, we will all acknowledge that we are a higher entity than ourselves. A more complex entity than a mere human body alone: a society, a race, that has the contribution of every single person who ever lived on this planet… and one day even further than this planet will it be.
For many years, penis has been an instrument of masculinity. Contrary to old-time Greeks, where it was testicles the ultimate feature of masculinity, a good sized penis has become one of the most valuable features in a man today. Such assumption mostly prevails in both men and women: a big penis is a symbol of beauty, masculinity, and even power.
It is due to its symbolic meaning that people (mostly men, and gay men in particular, of course) are obsessed with its size. The obsession towards penis size has been taken so far, that men have begun to lie about their true size. It is totally understandable; yet, it is completely unacceptable.
I am a man of duty. I endorse honesty and respect. That’s the reason for which I refuse to label my penis as a 9″ one. 7.5″ it is, and I am proud of it as it is. 7.5″ is more than enough to not fit everywhere. It is a good size and there is no need to write it as something that it isn’t. I could easily get away with it but I refuse to join that cause. Penis is not a symbol of masculinity, power, and beauty. It is simply a beautiful part of the body, as many others. In porn, a 5″ penis will be called 7″ already. That probably means that people would think of mine as a 5″ one when they read I am 7.5″. So be it. I would like those people to grab a ruler right now and see what 5,6,7,8″ are. That fear of labeling penis length as it is comes from the assumption that the bigger the better. So men become nervous around it and write an extra 1 or 2″ of what they truly have.
All it takes is a ruler and to remember math classes from grade 1 for how to use it. It only useful and convenient to be honest both to ourselves and to others. The right condom can only be chosen matching a penis size and the only way to achieve that is to measure it properly. It is even dangerous to do so: using condoms that are bigger than they should be can make them loose and ineffective towards what they are meant to do.
Penis enlargement is not the solution. The solution is to stop giving penis the magic powers that it doesn’t have. Let’s stop claiming what we don’t have. I invite you to embrace reality and make the most out of it.
I typed “Self Suck” on the web search the other day. Nice to have found a picture of mine among the results. At the beginning it felt awesome. I thought of how much I would love that my art would survive through the annals of time. But then I realized that nothing in this universe is immortal. We, and everything we do will die hopelessly. How meaningful what you do is doesn’t really matter.
We are fleeting. And so is the beauty of what we do so passionately. But our legacy stays. I’m not the guy on the web search engine anymore. And never will I be, once my website is down in a future that I can’t imagine right now…
I hope, however, to inspire other fellows on this same track of mine. I wish I am helping them to attain happiness, the same way I did with the inspiration I got from others who were on this path before me.
It is relieving to imagine that 100 and 1000 years from now, there will still be other guys enjoying sex as I do, and sharing their talent as I wish to do. I am happy to “pass the baton” to others so that they can rejoice from being alive.
Immortality is a concept that doesn’t pertain to us. This universe was created with a beginning and with an end.
We can’t and we shouldn’t think of “immortality” because it doesn’t belong to this universe we live in. When religion portrays the perfection of life after life through infinity, it is always based on terrenal desires and that doesn’t make sense. Our terrenal wishes can only be fulfilled when our lives are governed by time. Is paradise a place where there’s endless food, sex, and sleep? It can’t be, because those desires of fulfillment are based on the lack of them to be appreciated. Excercise can be either a suffering and a pleasure, for example, in different points of our days and our lives. We enjoy the pleasure of stop suffering their deficit. Hence, that’s not divine. That is how paradise looks like from our humble terrenal point of view. Furthermore, our egoistic desires are only the result of harming others, be it animals, plants, other humans who don’t share our same religion, etc.
The real perfection of a paradise cannot be based on a desire-satisfaction basis. It can’t be governed by time. Take a widow for example. She has found love again but she truly loved her deceased husband. Will she live her after-life with the previous or the new one? The perfection of paradise goes beyond that banality because there is no such thing as “time” anymore.
Let’s be humble and accept the reality as it is: we are simple humans, a small creation of what we call “God”. We are neither the favourite nor the only creation of “Him”. Let’s stop worrying about hell and paradise; we will all get to that “after-life” at some point. Only then will we enjoy the perfection of this universe of which we know so little.
In the same way that our bodies are composed of living cells, we are the living cells bringing life to bigger entities that we call “States, countries, and humanity”. There are people who are in charge of leading others, in the same way that neurons do. They are not necessarily the best ones to lead others; they can, in fact, lead others to self destruction, as in the case of suicide.
Modern society makes us feel that individual sentiments are less meaningful than those of bigger social group. While it may be true that a bigger entity is more complex and more valuable than an individual, let’s not forget that analyzing our presence in the world is senseless. Social media and modern society in general makes us feel like our voice is only heard depending on the number of people it reaches. It is true that the impact is measured that way, but what is the real significance of your voice being heard all over the world while you have only one life to live? Only a few people will ever get close to you.
Yes, a macro-organism is more complex and more valuable than a single person from the biological point of view. That’s why a person whose voice is heard and acclaimed worldwide seems to have more value. But that’s only the result of social media and modern society. Regardless, we are and will ever be simple humans being part of bigger entities.
I am a big fan of art in all its forms. I simply believe that the complexity of our human species is more elevated when measured by the art it can create. That’s why I love sex as a means of expression to make art with it. Sex may be art. Porn involves sex but seldom is it art. There is a clear distinction between the simple sex and artistic sex. Those who are sensible can know what the difference is. My sexual art may not be that of a great artist, but it is through my writing that it becomes the neat sexual art that I am so very proud of.
By now, you may have noticed how the word OnlyFans seems to be all over the place. And while it seems that everything has been said about it, there are always new topics related to it that are worth talking about. In response to Brian Shuster’s “Is OnlyFans Breaking the US Economy?”
Brian Shuster tells us, in his posting https://brianshuster-39907.medium.com/is-onlyfans-breaking-the-us-economy-9523bc9eb620, a few of the reasons why the entertainment sector might be leading the economy into hyperinflation. Some arguments are strong, such as the fact that there are some jobs that are struggling to find workers to do them. It’s also a fact that real estate appreciation is an incentive not to work and simply see your assets gain value over time. Another truth is that some people can earn more money by using their charm and beauty instead of working in conventional jobs. And yet another one is that there aren’t enough incentives in working for an employer who doesn’t see value in their employees.
What his article fails to mention is that the entertainment sector is part of the productive economy as well. Just because its reach cannot be measured in terms of productivity or numbers, doesn’t mean that it isn’t creating something. Onlyfans entertainers, and those who work in similar sites, are not that much different than the average football player or famous movie star: their work is to entertain their audience and, by doing so, they contribute to the economy just as all others do. Their reach in terms of what they bring to society is simply not quantifiable but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. There used to be lots of people involved in each project of the entertainment industry in the past; now, performers can earn money without a full team of people working around them. This phenomenon has opened our eyes to see how much money there is in this industry.
Shuster’s article shows, pretty accurately, that OnlyFans had a monthly payout of about $0.3B/month, while the Federal Reserve “prints” about $130B/month. That makes such payout equivalent to a mere 0.2%, which is not only little, but money that was already “printed” and belonging to someone else (the subscribers). Yes: a few channels are taking home millions of dollars per month but the vast majority aren’t. Only the top 1% is making six figures per year. Saying that such money used to belong in stocks and bonds and has now trickled its way down to the working class who’ll spend it consuming goods, is simply not the case. That’s because that money comes mostly from the working class already; hence, it is changing hands only. It looks big and catastrophic for several reasons, mostly because of those channels that make millions per month. But there have always been movies whose box office numbers are off the roof, yet nobody ever found that weird. It is only now, when a single person (a taxpayer, worth noting) takes the share, that it feels like the skies are falling apart.
There seems to be a certain apprehension when it comes to embracing jobs that don’t belong to the primary or the secondary sector. Third sector jobs are still required and a big part of what makes our society sustainable as we know it: education, transportation, hospitality, healthcare, and other services are, along with entertainment, good examples of them.
We live in a very interesting era of humanity. Along with the industrial revolution of the XVIII century, and the technological revolution of the XX century, we are now seeing a sexual awakening. We are still very immature when it comes to embracing nudity and sexuality. Hence, we have put too much value in it. Way more than it deserves. As a consequence, the entertainment industry oriented to offering nudity and sexuality are recipients of a bigger share of this medium of economic exchange that we call money. But it will only last for so long. As we evolve as a society, we will eventually place sex where it belongs: as a normal part of us. Only then will we break free from it, and people in the primary and secondary sectors of the economy will see their wages go up as those of the e-sex trade settle at a more appropriate level.